"H" is for "Huh?"

This pharmacist's credentials come with a little something extra. 

How to use an apostrophe

A fun little lesson on apostrophes.

Everyday Abuses

I do feel sorry for Jon Gosselin's girlfriend:

"I get threats everyday. I get called a home wrecker and a fat whore. People will stare or point. It gets worse everyday."

Poor girl doesn't know the difference between "everyday" and "every day." I feel so bad for her.

Halloween Horrors

That sure looks like a "shark eating man," don't you think? Perhaps a man eating shark would look something more like this:

To be or not to be

Something is missing from this invitation. Whatever could it be?

We would delighted
If you could join us

Don't forget the soup!

This Thai restaurant is BYOS -- bring your own soup:

Lunch Special
Come With Soup

Unfortunate Cookie

Do you think if I forgive this comma splice, my fortune will come true?

Don't be hasty, prosperity will knock on your door soon.

Prosperity, I am waiting!

For Months

From a road closure announcement:

The orange barrels and barricades won't move for about for months.

The homophones strike again!

People who live in glass houses ...

I received a press release this morning from a "veteran" English teacher promoting her new book, "My Dog Bites the English Teacher." The press release touts the book as a grammar primer that will help you to improve your college essays and to get a job with your stellar cover letter. However, the author of the press release isn't wowing me with her grammar guru status. A few examples:

But it is.
(So the author has a penchant for starting sentences with conjunctions. Yet she says later on that fragments are bad. And that's puzzling to me.)

This gives a negative first impression which can lose you an interview.
(This gives a negative first impression that the author does not understand the distinction between "that" and "which.")

Picture this ever so common situation:
(It is an ever-so-common problem to forget your hyphens when you are modifying a noun with an adjectival phrase.)

So Anders is on a mission to change the way grammar is taught.
(The second part of this sentence smacks of passive voice. Who is teaching this grammar, anyway? I hope not Anders.)

Celeb's Love Grody FroYo

I wouldn't question a celeb's love of frozen yogurt. I do question the use of apostrophes to pluralize. Tsk, tsk.

Side note to the headline writer who pulled "grody" out of the vault: The '80s called. They want their word back.

Goat Soap

Oh, look! A nice little soap sample. Let's see what's in it, shall we?

Honey Oatmeal Goat
Milk Soap Sample

Honey, oatmeal, milk -- those sound like reasonable soap ingredients. But goat? I'm not so sure I'm on board with that one.

Thanks, Kate, for sharing your, uh, unique soap with me!

Parties on boat-loving stars

Some things I bet you didn't know about Kim Kardashian:

1. She looks good in other people's bodies.
Kim Kardashian rocks a purple bikini and other beach bodies.

2. Together with her sisters, Kim hosts her parties on her fellow celebrities, who happen to like boats.
The Kardashian sisters party on an Aussie yacht and other boat-loving stars.

Those Kardashians! What will they do next!

A Little Junk Mail

If you expect high grammar standards from your junk mail, you are inevitably setting yourself up for disappointment. But really, I think Toyota could do better than this:









We can MILLIONS TO LEND!

Toyota, may I suggest some revisions?
1. We have millions to lend!
2. We can lend millions!
3. We will hire a proofreader!

Speaking of "Your" ...

While we're talking about the important, yet oft-neglected distinction between "your" and you're," I present this little bungle compliments of CakeWrecks.

Congrats
you're photo here

Unless this cake is telling me that I am a photo, I think something is amiss.

Your a Looser

I can only hope this is some sort of joke. Please let this shirt be a joke, and please let it be purchased only by those who get the joke. Please!

Parents: A Poem

The only way I can make sense of this sign is to interpret it as some sort of poem. Therefore, I give you my literary analysis:

The poem is called, "PARENTS," and it examines the delicate balance between freedom and safety. "Childrens" must be a stylized reference to the title, illuminating the fluidity between youth and adulthood. The quotation marks call to mind the irony of our so-called "words" in attempting to define such elusive concepts.

This sign is not an editor's nightmare after all. It is a work of art. Bravo!

Oh So Wrong

This is a clipping from a Sarasota, Fla., newspaper, a fact that makes me very, very sad for newspapers in general and copy editors in particular. There is so much to pick on in this one little sentence that I don't even know where to begin.

"Weather your in the mood to just sip on a martini and watch the cars go by on your patio, or your ready for a Big Night Out with drinking and dancing, we hope you'll join us."

1. I think you meant "whether." Those darn homophones!
2. Speaking of homophones, there is a big difference between “your” and “you’re.”
3. The cars are going by on the patio, are they? Makes it hard to enjoy your martini.
4. Big Night Out is apparently a proper noun.
5. And (just to be picky), you split your infinitive: "to just sip."

Phewsh! I am all tuckered out from that one.

What to Where?

When I attend art events, I never know what to wear. I think this flier is trying to help me out but is missing the mark. The little gecko guy and the funky lemur thing sure are jazzy, though!

Contractions

I Worry About "There" Wine

Basignani Winery, I know you are excited about your new wine, but please, slow down for a minute and think about your spelling before you post this to your website:

THERE HERE! THERE HERE! THERE HERE!

Hope their wine is better than their spelling.

Soybeans Against War!

Who knew that we had pacifist plants in our midst? And that old people were dreaming about them -- again?

Apparently, CNN:

Rediscovering Peace Crop dreams in retirement.

Unfortunately, the article turned out to be substantially more mundane than the headline would suggest. Something about volunteers and Africa. Boring!

Flowers Hate Poor Punctuation

Don't abuse apostrophes. It makes flowers very angry.

So True!

This GraphJam chart pretty much sums it up.

Frozen Meet

Check out this awesome MSNBC caption:

"Runner Janet Cool displays frozen meet during the grocery auction in Dallas, Pa."

Perhaps Ms. Cool also will by some carats, serial, pairs, and flower too go with her meet.

Homophones. They'll getcha every time.

Feeling Fusy

Some house hunters might be picky about the number of bathrooms, the size of the bedrooms or the newness of the kitchen appliances. But even the pickiest of the bunch apparently are not fussy about spelling:

Show to your Fusiest Buyers !!!!

(Once again, I'll ignore the random capitalization and excessive punctuation.)

Tip of the Week: That vs. Which

Ever notice that little squiggle you get sometimes in Word when you type in “that” vs. “which”? That happens because these words are not interchangeable, strictly speaking.

Essential vs. nonessential clauses:
Some modifying elements of a sentence are essential – they restrict the meaning of a modified term – while others are nonessential and don’t restrict the modified term’s meaning. These nonessential elements are set off with commas.

“That” is used in essential clauses and is not preceded by a comma. “Which” is used in nonessential clauses and is preceded by a comma.

Examples:
I bought the picture frames that were on sale.

“That were on sale” is an essential clause because the point of the sentence is that I did not just buy any frames; I bought “the frames that were on sale.” If I were to delete this clause, it would change the essential meaning of the sentence. Note that there is no comma before “that.”

We went to Harold's house, which is just across the street.

“Which is just across the street” is a nonessential clause because I can delete it without changing the essential meaning of the sentence. Because it is nonessential, set it apart with a comma.

Bottom Line:
If you leave out the element or put it somewhere else in the sentence, does the essential meaning of the sentence change? If so, the element is essential; if not, it is nonessential.

Irish I Were Subjunctive

Happy St. Patty's Day! Today the Irish can teach us a little lesson in the use of the subjunctive mood.

Which of these pins is right?
Irish I were drunk!
Irish I was drunk!

Thanks to the subjunctive, "were" is the winner.

The oft overlooked subjunctive mood is a verb mood used in dependent clauses to express wishes, commands, emotion, possibility, judgment, opinion, necessity, or statements that are contrary to fact at present.

The past subjunctive is used after the verb to wish, as in "I wish he were Irish" or "I wished he were Irish." The past subjunctive also is used after the conjunction if in a contrary-to-fact statement, as in "If I were Irish, I would be drunk."

I happen to be mostly Polish, so, alas, I am sober.

Just for Fun

OK, so the exclamation point does its job in making sure motorists in this little English village understand to slow down for the kittens, but still, I think "slow kittens" is much funnier.

The Royal We

This top story seems to have taken "the royal we" a bit too far:

Princes sends note to family

I read the story, and there was only one prince involved. But clearly this headline writer wasn't sure if the prince constituted one person or many. Might as well cover all your bases with the plural noun and the singular verb, no?

Shim

Finally, Twitter has proved its usefulness. It's not that I care what you're having for breakfast or what mood you happen to be in right now. And it's not that we're all dying to find out what Congress is micro-blogging about when they should be listening to the president's speech. No, Twitter, in its own small way, apparently is advancing the age-old conversation about the English language's lack of a gender-neutral pronoun. Read this article on CNN.com to find out more.

One of the most prevalent and irksome grammar mistakes is the use of "they" when you really mean "he or she," as in: A doctor must care for their patient, or Everyone hates their in-laws. But the alternatives are only marginally better: Everyone hates his or her in-laws (how cumbersome); Everyone hates his in-laws (now you're sexist).

I doubt it will happen in my lifetime, but I yearn for the day when a functional, widely accepted set of gender-neutral pronouns will come to the rescue. What about "shim" as a nice alternative to "him or her"? Anyone have any gender-neutral pronoun suggestions?

Secondly

We might just be arguing semantics, but check out the last bullet point:

"The carry-out option is provided to you as a courtesy. If you require unlimited seconds, you must dine in."

First, after you have one "second," wouldn't your next helping be a "third"?

And second, what carry-out abuses could possibly have necessitated such a thoroughly passive-aggressive sign?

Four is Enough

While protesting octo-mom's excess of children, this protester seems to be suffering from an over-abundance of his own:

MOM
8-is ENOUGH
4-A
MAL-PRACTICE
LAW-SUIT

I count four hyphens too many in this sign. Oh, protesters. When will you learn that your flagrant disregard for grammar and punctuation undermines your message?

Victory from the Sidelines

I'm no football aficionado, but I'm pretty sure you have to make the winning plays on the actual field. People magazine thinks otherwise:

"Football fans Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore watch the Atlanta Falcons defeat the New Orleans Saints from the sidelines."

Well done, Falcons. Tomorrow we'll watch you defeat the Tennessee Titans from the concession stand.

Thanks to Christina for spotting the misplaced modifier.

Tip of the Week: Then vs. Than

“Then” is most commonly used as an adverb meaning “at that time,” “next” or “as a consequence.”
Examples:
1. Betty got out on the dance floor, then did the Macarena. (Betty got out on the dance floor. Next, she did the Macarena.)
2. Doing the Macarena was more fun then. (Doing the Macarena was more fun at that time.)
3. If you don’t do the Macarena, then you are not cool. (If you don’t do the Macarena, as a consequence, you are not cool.)

“Than” is usually a conjunction that expresses comparison or choice.
Examples:
1. No dance is more awesome than the Macarena.
2. I would rather do the Macarena than the Electric Slide.

The bottom line:
When you are trying to convey time, use “then.” When you are trying to make a comparison, use “than.”

Milk Duds

Valentine's Day is awful enough without people making it worse with their terrible grammar. Exhibit A:

"Your the milk to my cookie."

Yes, and your the death to my sanity. And don't those chocolate chips kinda looks like zits? Not very romantic.

Buy your valentine a very "special" card here.

Borne Identity

I received an interesting grammar question from a former colleague who is the editor of a trade magazine. (Yeah, my friends ask me these sorts of questions -- I'm the life of the party.)

What’s the difference between "born" and "borne"? For example, I know this is correct: "I was born on Feb. 23." But which of these is correct?

• "The Web site was borne out of the need for consumers to be able to shop for books online."
• "The Web site was born out of the need for consumers to be able to shop for books online."

In the end, on deadline, we rewrote the sentence to remove "born" or "borne," but now I’m curious.

I didn't know the answer, but, being the grammar geek that I am, I decided to track it down. Here is what I found, compliments of Merriam-Webster:

Thanks to the vagaries of English spelling, bear has two past participles: born and borne. Traditionally, born is used only in passive constructions referring to birth: I was born in Chicago. For all other uses, including active constructions referring to birth, borne is the standard form: She has borne both her children at home. I have borne his insolence with the patience of a saint.

So it seems that in passive constructions, "born" is preferred. But in active construction, you'd use "borne." English is so very odd! What a crazy little rule. But fascinating!

One Little Adverb

Can the placement of one adverb change the course of history? Barack Obama felt that an adverb out of order was sufficiently egregious as to warrant a do-over to dispel any doubts that he was, in fact, president of the United States.

Because of Chief Justice John Roberts' incorrect prompt and nerves on the part of both men, Obama deviated from the exact order of the oath as proscribed in the Constitution. (View the flub and read more about it here.)

The Constitution reads:
"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Obama said:
I, Barack… I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear ... that I will execute … the office of president of the United States faithfully … and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.

Does this misplacement mean, as some suggested, that Obama was not officially president? Obama technically became president at noon, before the oath was administered, and remained president with or without the oath. But why take any chances? The following day, Roberts and Obama gave the oath another try, this time without any hiccups.

Side note: Strict grammarians would argue that Roberts was right in finagling the adverbial information. After all, the Constitution's framers split the infinitive by inserting "faithfully" between the auxiliary verb "will" and the verb "execute." The New York Times offers some insight.

Concert of One, Part 2

It is not every day that I get a chance to pick on The New York Times Magazine -- a publication that boasts some of the world's most skilled copy editors. But it would seem even The Times fell victim to the "sole concerted effort." This passage appeared in a Jan. 6, 2009, article, "Who Would Jesus Smack Down."

Lately, he has made a concerted effort to tone down his language ...

"He" refers to one Mark Driscoll, a Neo-Calvinist preacher in the Seattle area. And unless he is channeling the Spirit to help him make amends, Driscoll apparently is alone in his efforts to tone down his language. As I've explained before, a "concerted" effort requires more than one participant. Amen.

Please????

I visited Kate in Ohio a few months ago, and unfortunately, the book I was reading at the time ended up staying a little longer. (I left it on her floor -- oops!) Kate was nice enough to take my book to the UPS Store and ship it back to me. She was also nice enough to take a photo of this sign:


Please no Cell Phone useage while at the counter receiving services????

1. What's with all the question marks? (???)
2. Interesting alternative spelling of "usage."
3. Apparently the Cell Phone is now a proper noun.
4. Is the counter receiving services, or is the cell phone user?
5. The ultimate irony: Kate took the photo with her cell phone. Ha!

Cry Wolf

Over the holiday, I visited the Phoenix Zoo in Arizona and learned about all kinds of interesting wildlife. I also learned that wolves don't know the difference between its and it's:

The maned wolf is sometimes called the fox-on-stilts. It's long legs help it to move around ... the tall grasses in it's grassland habitat.

That's twice in one sign. No wonder they are endangered.

Just for Fun

I'm not the only "fewer" fanatic.