Secondly

We might just be arguing semantics, but check out the last bullet point:

"The carry-out option is provided to you as a courtesy. If you require unlimited seconds, you must dine in."

First, after you have one "second," wouldn't your next helping be a "third"?

And second, what carry-out abuses could possibly have necessitated such a thoroughly passive-aggressive sign?

Not Going Anywhere

This weekend, I happened upon a bottle of wine that caught my attention. Oxford Landing's label boasts, rather enigmatically, "Established Since 1958."

Usually in a phrase like this, one would expect the label-maker to use "establish" as a verb, as in "the vineyard was established in 1958," or "established in 1958," to be brief.

But in the case of Oxford Landing, the label-maker is using "established" as an adjective, defined as "settled securely" or "introduced from another region and persisting without cultivation." I'm imagining a group of nomadic vintners, roaming the land in search of grapes for centuries before settling down in south Australia, thus establishing themselves.

Gross Miscalculation

Within weeks after the 1990 launch of the Hubble Space Telescope, observers noticed a serious problem with its optical system, which was returning fuzzier-than-expected images. Scientists discovered that the multi-billion-dollar telescope's mirror was barely 2.3 micrometers off from the required shape -- a small miscalculation that caused very large, very expensive problems.

Beverly Willis, who penned this letter to the editor of the Catonsville Times, also made a serious miscalculation regarding the distance of her car from the curb. She seems to find it strange that it would be "illegal to park more than 12 feet from the curb." By my calculations, that would put you on the other side of the street. So yes, Beverly, it really is "that big of a deal if [you're] parked 18 feet from the curb as opposed to 12." The extra six feet will, indeed, obstruct the public safety of your neighborhood. Thanks for asking.