How to use an apostrophe

A fun little lesson on apostrophes.

Celeb's Love Grody FroYo

I wouldn't question a celeb's love of frozen yogurt. I do question the use of apostrophes to pluralize. Tsk, tsk.

Side note to the headline writer who pulled "grody" out of the vault: The '80s called. They want their word back.

Parents: A Poem

The only way I can make sense of this sign is to interpret it as some sort of poem. Therefore, I give you my literary analysis:

The poem is called, "PARENTS," and it examines the delicate balance between freedom and safety. "Childrens" must be a stylized reference to the title, illuminating the fluidity between youth and adulthood. The quotation marks call to mind the irony of our so-called "words" in attempting to define such elusive concepts.

This sign is not an editor's nightmare after all. It is a work of art. Bravo!

Flowers Hate Poor Punctuation

Don't abuse apostrophes. It makes flowers very angry.

Cry Wolf

Over the holiday, I visited the Phoenix Zoo in Arizona and learned about all kinds of interesting wildlife. I also learned that wolves don't know the difference between its and it's:

The maned wolf is sometimes called the fox-on-stilts. It's long legs help it to move around ... the tall grasses in it's grassland habitat.

That's twice in one sign. No wonder they are endangered.

Pillow Talk

"What I found at Stein Mart" Part 2:

Ya Ya's:
A group of three or more women whose hearts and souls are joined together by laughter and tears shared through the glorious journey of life.

I've talked about extraneous apostrophe usage before, so you'll understand why this pillow struck me as inappropriate. And it's not just the gratuitous girl-power -- although that's rather annoying, as well.

Quote, Unquote

I've never copy edited a floor covering before, but I got my first opportunity this past weekend at a movie theater in Alexandria, Va. This colorful carpet in front of the concession stand was peppered with famous movie quotes -- everything from "The Godfather" to "Forrest Gump." Although it was fun to peruse while waiting for a bucket of popcorn and some Junior Mints, I couldn't help but scoff at its liberal use of punctuation.

This particular quote is from "Midnight Cowboy," which perhaps explains the wild, wild west treatment of quotation marks and apostrophes. If I could take a red pen to this carpet, I would suggest, "I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!" But I don't think they'd take too kindly to my edits.

Curse of the Apostrophe

Apostrophes are powerful pieces of punctuation. With one stroke, a writer can change a plain old plural noun into a proud owner. However, some seem to view the apostrophe as mere decoration to be used at the whim of the writer. Both of these signs had a 50/50 chance of choosing the correct use of the apostrophe, and both chose poorly.

"No dog's allowed" would seem to imply that the "allowed" belongs to the dog and that there is none of it. Perhaps I should bring my dog there to increase their supply. (Thanks to Kate for spotting this victim of poor apostrophe usage.)

A caveat: Perhaps what this sign is attempting to convey is "no dog is allowed." Although it is an unconventional use of the phrase, I must concede it is possible.

And once again, my office parking lot provides yet another source of mangled English. "Towed at owners expense" doesn't make any sense at all. I plan to use this logic as a defense in court when I get sued for refusing to pay my towing fee.