We Are One

Warning: By drinking these special and delightful beverages, you become part of the collective. One mind. One heart. How disturbing. (Christina found this one on a vending machine in Japan. I had heard the Japanese are a more group-oriented people, but I did not realize they took it this far!)

Beauty Saloon

Christina sent me this one all the way from Japan, where apparently a haircut and a beer is considered one-stop shopping.

I do hope the concept of the beauty saloon catches on here in the states. I'll finally have someplace to hitch my horse when I go in for a trim.

Slice of Splice

Menus are notorious sufferers of poor grammar and punctuation, mostly owing to the profusion of non-native speakers who draft many of the most flawed. This menu, however, has no such excuse.

The menu asks diners to "please notify server if you have an allergy, some products are made with nuts." Good to know, but next time, perhaps the menu-maker can ask us without a comma splice.

A comma splice is a sentence in which two independent clauses are joined by a comma with no conjunction -- in other words, a run-on sentence. But not to worry. There are several easy fixes:

1. Replace the comma with a period and capitalize the next letter. (Not so easy when you write in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.)
Please notify server if you have an allergy. Some products are made with nuts.

2. Replace the comma with a semicolon.
Please notify server if you have an allergy; some products are made with nuts.

3. Add a coordinating conjunction after the comma (and, but, so, or, nor, for, yet).
Please notify server if you have an allergy, for some products are made with nuts.

4. Make one of the sentences a dependent clause and delete the comma.
Please notify server if you have an allergy because some products are made with nuts.

Not Going Anywhere

This weekend, I happened upon a bottle of wine that caught my attention. Oxford Landing's label boasts, rather enigmatically, "Established Since 1958."

Usually in a phrase like this, one would expect the label-maker to use "establish" as a verb, as in "the vineyard was established in 1958," or "established in 1958," to be brief.

But in the case of Oxford Landing, the label-maker is using "established" as an adjective, defined as "settled securely" or "introduced from another region and persisting without cultivation." I'm imagining a group of nomadic vintners, roaming the land in search of grapes for centuries before settling down in south Australia, thus establishing themselves.

Lies!

There's a song that's been getting on my nerves -- and not just because it lodges itself in my head and I find myself singing it in the shower. No, my beef is with its grammar.

The offender is Snow Patrol, and their offensive song is "Chasing Cars." The lyrics go like this:

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Maybe I'm being picky and old fashioned, but despite popular usage, there remains a difference between "lay" and "lie."

First, let's ignore the "lie" meaning "to tell an untruth" and turn our attention to the setting/reclining meaning of lay and lie. The significant difference is that "lay" requires a direct object. "Lie" does not.

Examples:
I lie in my bed. (no direct object)
I lay the blanket on the ground. ("the blanket" is the direct object)

The present tense is easy, but things get a little dicey with the past tense and the past participle. Here is how it breaks down: Lie = lie, lay, lain. Lay = lay, laid, laid.

Examples:
Lie: Right now, I lie in my bed. Yesterday, I lay in my bed. I have lain in my bed for days.
Lay: Right now, I lay the blanket on the floor. Yesterday, I laid the blanket on the floor. I have laid the blanket on the floor many times.

The bottom line:
The question Snow Patrol should be asking is:

If I lie here
If I just lie here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Got it, guys?